Which is Worse - Boring Job Or Interview Terror?

Are you stuck in a job that you don't really enjoy because the thought of going to an interview if you apply for another job is just too scary? Does the thought of going to an interview make you feel sick and make you think of everything that could go wrong? Do you find it difficult to talk to people because you think they will judge you and think you are stupid? Do you find yourself going red with embarrassment when someone talks to you?

If any of those are true then you may well be stuck in an unsatisfactory job, watching people who are far less suitable or qualified than you are take all the good jobs and move up the career ladder.

So what is the alternative? You could grit your teeth and psyche yourself up and just turn up for the interview but that probably doesn't seem very attractive so it's unlikely to get you reading through the job adverts. Another option is to find out more about your anxiety so that you can start to take control over it and learn how to minimise the uncomfortable aspects of it so that you become less restricted.

Cognitive behaviour therapy helps you to understand more about why you react in certain ways and what you can do to change that. It helps you to identify what type of thing makes you nervous and think about alternative ways of reacting to those situations. Just knowing why and what to do though doesn't mean that it will necessarily make it easier. You probably already know how you'd like to behave in an interview situation - or in fact any situation that currently causes you anxiety.

The problem is that you have an ingrained habit that is automatically telling you how to behave. It uses the same part of your mind that automatically takes you on your journey home or that supplies the words when you sing along to your favourite song. It takes a very conscious effort to do things differently and it just doesn't feel right. If you hear a cover version of a famous song it never sounds quite right because you're so used to the original. If you keep hearing it then you may start to accept it and may even come to prefer it to the original. The same thing can happen with your reactions to anxiety.

To start off with you need to know how you would like to react. Think about what you would like to do and feel and phrase it positively. For instance you might start off thinking that in your ideal world you would want to "not blush" or "not panic". The problem with those phrases though are that you're still focusing on the old way of doing things and the old feelings and you're not giving your mind any new alternatives.

Imagine that you're in a cake shop and you ask the assistant for a cake. The assistant offers you a chocolate one. "I don't want chocolate." They bring you one with icing on. "I don't like icing." They bring you a ginger cake. "I hate ginger." By now the assistant would be justified in asking, "Well can you tell me what you do want?" Give your mind a chance by telling it what you do want.

If you find it difficult to think positively then think about what the opposite to your current behaviour would be. The opposite to blushing and panicking would be "I feel calm when other people talk to me, I breathe easily, I feel in control of my body, I feel confident about my abilities". Now you're telling yourself how you want to feel and react.

Be very specific in how you want to feel and behave; go into as much detail as you can because the more detail you imagine, the clearer it becomes in your mind. If you said to someone "I want something to eat" then you could end up being disappointed when they make a guess and give you something you don't like. If you said "I want a cheese sandwich on brown bread" then you're much more likely to get that and if you describe the type of cheese you want as well then, as long as it's available, you should end up getting exactly what you wanted.

If you've always been anxious in interviews then your mind currently doesn't have any role model for being confident at an interview so you'll need to explain to it what you want to happen. Find somewhere quiet where you can imagine your ideal interview situation. Let it run smoothly, like a dream. Rerun it and improve on it if you need to. See yourself smiling and looking calm. Hear your voice speaking confidently. Feel how comfortable it is when you have control. See the interviewer nodding in agreement and understanding as you speak, smiling back at you in a friendly way and hear the conversation flowing smoothly. Do this regularly so that you become used to it.

A great time to do this is when you go to bed at night because you will be making use of the trance like state you drift into as you go to sleep. If there are any anxious thoughts that come into this visualisation then go back and make any relevant changes that make the thoughts disappear. If you have difficulty visualising things and don't see the situation - don't worry, focus on how you feel in the situation.

If you do this regularly, running those positive thoughts over and over in your mind, you should find your anxiety reduces. If you want to make it even more effective then I would recommend seeing a hypnotherapist as they will be able to help you change things on a subconscious level. They can also offer an alternative way of thinking, helping you to think about things in a different way and helping you to find the best way of moving forward. It's the same with anything that you learn, if you have an expert showing you what to do it's much easier than trying to do it all on your own.

Sharon Stiles uses hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP and EFT to help people reduce stress and anxiety in their personal and work lives. Her online seminar "Stress Less" at http://www.sharonstiles.co.uk/stressless gives practical and mental techniques to help reduce stress. Details of her anxiety seminars are at http://www.mindblockssorted.com/getridofanxiety - She also offer individual sessions in Bristol, UK and by webcam.

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